Thank you for writing this, Sanobar. I learn so much from everything you write. More than that I unlearn/question so many of my biases. Now to read these books!
Oh, how I could have written many passages of this post. Actually I think I may have. I too struggled with writing about my family. I ended up removing a lot and I’m sure I will continue to. But family’s are complex. I know my parents tried their best. So even though it took me way longer to figure out how to be an adult, my memoir is also a tribute to them as well. But it’s not a hagiography, which Muslims tend to do. I hope you will write your story one day!
BTW: my life is basically like the story from a Place for Us. My family is Hyderabadi too and it hit way close to home. It had me and my sister in tears.
Oh Rafia! I don't know what to say. I guess the best thing about reading is that you learn you're not alone. We were never alone and yet, so many of us endured loneliness and shame in the name of family honour.
Also, I love your sense of humour. I had to look up 'hagiography' and I couldn't stop laughing ;)
So true! Even though I'm writing about finally coming to terms with my life and its imperfections, it's still so difficult to talk about.
Thank you! I hate to sound glib or disrespectful, but I find it really frustrating personally. I guess some people need that for spiritual rejuvenation. I'm more interested in the nuance, the reality. Perhaps my naivety has been shattered after doing an MA in Religious Studies, but you can't unlearn things you know. There's a lot we need to grapple with and Muslims pretending like we just need to go back to some golden age is not really helpful for people today who really struggle. Sorry for going off on this soapbox! LOL
Please don’t be sorry. I thoroughly enjoyed the exchange just as much! BTW you didn’t sound disrespectful at all and, I look forward to reading the nuances in your essays :)
Such a tight essay about our fears to be seen ,too much. I totally get this. I too felt heavy after reading about Rafiq family, and yes our ending will be different. That is a promise to us. It will be a beginning.
Fierce attachment, what to say. It's a masterpiece for a reading and analysing.
Oh Farah...that bit about the promise, that bit about a beginning. You made me tear up. Thank you for the book and thank you for always always cheering me on.
You give us all courage with this powerful reminder of why we should continue to tell our stories, Sanobar! Added these books to my list.
For now, I'm staying with this - "I want to write my story. I want to be seen. But I also don’t want to write my story because what if I'm too seen?" You've gone straight for the jugular and how!
Thank you for writing this, Sanobar!💖💖😀 The feeling, including, giving part of you is so palpable in all your writing. I am waiting for your story!💖💖💖🌿🌿
2. I want to write about family too, but you summed it all up very well.
3. Most important, in your own words. "As for me, I’d like my story to show that I tried. Through the highs and lows, the smiles and struggles, the twists and turns, I tried…"
Thank you for writing this, Sanobar. I learn so much from everything you write. More than that I unlearn/question so many of my biases. Now to read these books!
Oh, how I could have written many passages of this post. Actually I think I may have. I too struggled with writing about my family. I ended up removing a lot and I’m sure I will continue to. But family’s are complex. I know my parents tried their best. So even though it took me way longer to figure out how to be an adult, my memoir is also a tribute to them as well. But it’s not a hagiography, which Muslims tend to do. I hope you will write your story one day!
BTW: my life is basically like the story from a Place for Us. My family is Hyderabadi too and it hit way close to home. It had me and my sister in tears.
Oh Rafia! I don't know what to say. I guess the best thing about reading is that you learn you're not alone. We were never alone and yet, so many of us endured loneliness and shame in the name of family honour.
Also, I love your sense of humour. I had to look up 'hagiography' and I couldn't stop laughing ;)
So true! Even though I'm writing about finally coming to terms with my life and its imperfections, it's still so difficult to talk about.
Thank you! I hate to sound glib or disrespectful, but I find it really frustrating personally. I guess some people need that for spiritual rejuvenation. I'm more interested in the nuance, the reality. Perhaps my naivety has been shattered after doing an MA in Religious Studies, but you can't unlearn things you know. There's a lot we need to grapple with and Muslims pretending like we just need to go back to some golden age is not really helpful for people today who really struggle. Sorry for going off on this soapbox! LOL
Please don’t be sorry. I thoroughly enjoyed the exchange just as much! BTW you didn’t sound disrespectful at all and, I look forward to reading the nuances in your essays :)
Hehe - great! Thank you and likewise. Glad to have found your Substack too!
Such a tight essay about our fears to be seen ,too much. I totally get this. I too felt heavy after reading about Rafiq family, and yes our ending will be different. That is a promise to us. It will be a beginning.
Fierce attachment, what to say. It's a masterpiece for a reading and analysing.
And Shukriya for the shout out.
Oh Farah...that bit about the promise, that bit about a beginning. You made me tear up. Thank you for the book and thank you for always always cheering me on.
You give us all courage with this powerful reminder of why we should continue to tell our stories, Sanobar! Added these books to my list.
For now, I'm staying with this - "I want to write my story. I want to be seen. But I also don’t want to write my story because what if I'm too seen?" You've gone straight for the jugular and how!
Thank you for writing this, Sanobar!💖💖😀 The feeling, including, giving part of you is so palpable in all your writing. I am waiting for your story!💖💖💖🌿🌿
I’m so grateful, Alaknanda, thank you!
I loves a place for.us! Will check out your other rec!
That, apart from the gut-wrenching story :)
Oh, it’s a masterclass in craft!
So um, look where i am at almost 3am when I should be sleeping!
Ha ha haaaaa Ooops!
1. Want to read both books.
2. I want to write about family too, but you summed it all up very well.
3. Most important, in your own words. "As for me, I’d like my story to show that I tried. Through the highs and lows, the smiles and struggles, the twists and turns, I tried…"
We try and try...like our blue friend in Finding Nemo says, "Just keep swimming...just keep swimming" :))
Can’t wait to read both books after reading your words!
Hope you like them too, Ila :)
*loved