The following is a response to a prompt about ‘Things that happened to you since you started writing with
.’ Upon reflection, I realized that many of the signs I documented also apply to my healing journey. Fearful of exposing myself a bit much, I was hesitant to share this earlier. Since I feel a little brave now, I’d like to share a list of the signs that, in my experience, you notice when you’ve begun healing:It took me some time to realize that life will simply do its thing regardless of the amount of therapies or coaching sessions you go through. You will lose jobs, people will be mean to you, and you will be hurt. Yet, here’s the odd part - you will see everything with a fresh perspective. A lost job will hint at new opportunities, meanness from people will encourage you to be more assertive with your boundaries, and continued hurt will make you reevaluate your choices. So yes, life will continue challenging you as you keep pushing back. Sometimes, the upgraded version of you will extend a hand of friendship to life, encouraging it to give both of you a break!
You will stop idolizing people in your life - that includes those who once seemed larger than life, like your mother. You’ll come to appreciate them as ordinary humans. Flawed. Like you.
You will become open to love. Rather than using love as bait to fill your own emptiness, you’ll move beyond the adult-child mode and take responsibility for your own happiness. In effect, you will free both yourself and your loved ones.
Hurt people hurt others. Unloved people struggle to love others unconditionally.
When you really start to heal, you no longer rely on your spouse to entertain you all the time, you don’t see your children as your mini-projects that validate your worth, you stop blaming your mother for everything miserable in your life.
You’ll understand that genuine love does start from within. That’s when true liberation begins. You become less afraid of owning up to your love for others, more willing to ask for love and definitely more generous in showering it on those who matter to you.
You no longer worry about expressing your emotions wholeheartedly because you stop viewing love as a transaction or business deal. When you say, “I love you,” it’s not with the expectation of hearing “I love you, too” in return, as nice as that may feel!
“I love you simply because I do—because of how you make me feel about myself. That alone makes it precious to me. I’m grateful, and I love you for that.”
You start to write; you feel a strong urge to draw and paint. You become eager to use your hands to create, less afraid of messing up a recipe in the kitchen, and more excited at the prospect of creating something - anything! You find yourself wanting to sing and dance. In other words, you go back to becoming the child you once were.
You keep wanting to come back home - instead of wanting to run away from it.
You keep choosing hope relentlessly - despite the world around you falling apart.
You spend more time in sujood while praying, yearning to get an intimate one-on-one with your Creator. There’s no shame, you feel light. Probably some guilt. But, you’re happy to be here, in submission.
You stop dwelling on the past (as deeply as it still hurts) and stop chasing the future (in a much delusional way).
You breathe better. Your posture improves. You laugh out loud. Unrestrained.
You say ‘no’ guilt-free. You also say ‘yes’ to things that kick you out of your comfort zone.
You crave for nature. You want to eat real fruits from an actual tree and not injected ones from glossy plastic packets. You want to feel fresh grass under your feet and fold your legs as you sit down with the street cats while enjoying a cool, breezy evening.
You want to eat better, healthier - but you no longer chastise yourself for indulging in a gorgeous piece of chocolate brownie smothered in hot, flowing Nutella. You start showing love to your body. While you don’t mind showing up at the supermarket sans make-up despite being average-looking, there are days you love to pamper yourself. You dare to wear red lipstick on your dusky skin, and a shiny pair of gold earrings as you don gorgeous outfits regardless of your thinning hair, expanding waistline, and ever-increasing back fat!
You forgive yourself the way you forgive your kids.
You question everything you were taught. You challenge the conditioning that set the foundation of your being.
You come to appreciate your own value. Although you might still cringe at your art and your writing, comparing yourself with your exemplary fellow writers, you remind yourself that there’s room for everyone. That each one of us brings a unique story to the table. You remember the sunshine you are and, that the world needs you.
Sabahhh! I love love love this list ...everyone but most importantly this one "You forgive yourself the way you forgive your kids."
This essay is all heart Sanobar! 15 Beautiful commandments on love, care and drawing boundaries.