May what is bold and brave in you always make you more beautiful with or without a dupatta - may your words always speak with the power that they give us when we read it. Thank you for saying all that you do. 💪
could feel the texture of this essay Sanobar... so so good... thank you for this... reminds me of my own dupatta incidents when i had conveniently thought i didn't have any... amazing writing... ".. I love to carry a flowy chiffon dupatta as it slides over my curves making me feel sensuous. A soft, dark, all-encompassing velvet shawl makes me feel royal. But, ask me to cover my hair when the azaan plays in a mosque and I cringe with inexplainable fear. The very next moment you’ll find me at ease in my pure white cotton dupatta for my namaaz."
This is timely, had a long conversation with friends yesterday and how the dupatta infuriates one of them for the same reasons you have outlined so well. 🙌🏽✨
What a coincidence, Sai! I shared your post in my group of family and friends. And then ended watching Dhruv Rathee's video on India and it's rape culture with my husband. It's not just about what 'others' can do but also, what can we do on a daily basis to counter the culture? May be cut out the culture of gaaliyan totally? Notice how most of our gaalis (at least in Hindi) all use women as an insult? I'm guilty of it as well and surprisingly, many of my fiesty female friends are too! I had such an honest venting session with my husband about our everyday interaction and how I spot the same culture in our family as well. Because it's such a nuanced part of our fabric, we don't even notice it when we practice the same :/ I'm so thankful for essays like yours. About time we think what can we do as a society and stop blaming the nature of crime on just selected "monsters".
I am usually cynical about sharing this kind of writing in extended family chats because people (especially uncle variety) are past even understanding where we are coming from.
But I was spurred on by your sharing with your family! Good thing I did, because it provoked a good amount of thinking, feeling and one small win - that group members stop forwarding jokes that belittle women (about bodies, intellect and 'morals').
I'm sorry for all the unnecessary hassles that girls and women have to go through because of men. It is self-aware parents like you and the well trained teachers - who can change children's lives for the better.
I want to highlight that it is also men like you that will bring the change we need to make our children’s lives better, Karthik. Thank you for the solidarity!
"For generations, our fathers and mothers have tried to ‘protect’ their girls. If they had put even half that energy into educating their boys, they might not have had to feel so scared for us." So apt. You speak for all of us Sanobar!
Thank you, Savvy. I've been sharing related news and posts in Family WhatsApp groups. The silence is deafening but about time we have these 'awkward' conversations.
i deeply resonated with this as someone who grew up in saudia and thought wearing an abaya was the only definition of modesty. im unlearning a lot of that fear and insecurity while enjoying my hunt for the perfect two-piece. dupattas are currently overwhelming for me since i have social anxiety, but i hope one day i can learn to carry that elegance as well.
How did I miss this?! Thank you for sharing. I used to wear an Abaya too. You're so right about the unlearning bit. I'm glad we have the privilege and the capacity to observe, unlearn and learn all over again :)
Gosh Sanobar - what a stellar piece! The dupatta, choice, consent, decisions, all rolled into a raging powerful call ready to smash anyone who gets in its way!
This is such an important essay, Sabah. There’s so much that resonates. It was just last evening that two of my younger friends and I were discussing about all the restrictions that are put on women. And the first piece I decided to read today is yours. Loved reading it.
This is personal, social and political all at the same time. Loved the graphic! And what a powerful ending - it's high time the spotlight focuses on boys and men!
The past few days have brought up so much from our pasts. How we were schooled and manipulated by those we looked up to, perhaps not intentionally. This hit hard, especially the bit about how we are made to feel like we are 12 again and again, but fortunately, with the gift of hindsight!
I can relate to this completely. But the teen rebel in me fought against it all. Controlling what someone else wears is a very fundamental way to control others. All under the guise of benevolent patriarchy.
How incredible is that, Minaz! I love when young girls fight for their rights. We really shouldn't have to but, kudos to those who stood for themselves.
This is the era for all the conversations that never were. As women we are today far more sure about who we want to be.
“This is the era for all the conversations that never were.” I LOVE that!
May what is bold and brave in you always make you more beautiful with or without a dupatta - may your words always speak with the power that they give us when we read it. Thank you for saying all that you do. 💪
How lovely and touching, Charulatha! Thank you so much <3 May our tribe keep growing. THIS is what we all need.
could feel the texture of this essay Sanobar... so so good... thank you for this... reminds me of my own dupatta incidents when i had conveniently thought i didn't have any... amazing writing... ".. I love to carry a flowy chiffon dupatta as it slides over my curves making me feel sensuous. A soft, dark, all-encompassing velvet shawl makes me feel royal. But, ask me to cover my hair when the azaan plays in a mosque and I cringe with inexplainable fear. The very next moment you’ll find me at ease in my pure white cotton dupatta for my namaaz."
This is timely, had a long conversation with friends yesterday and how the dupatta infuriates one of them for the same reasons you have outlined so well. 🙌🏽✨
What a coincidence, Sai! I shared your post in my group of family and friends. And then ended watching Dhruv Rathee's video on India and it's rape culture with my husband. It's not just about what 'others' can do but also, what can we do on a daily basis to counter the culture? May be cut out the culture of gaaliyan totally? Notice how most of our gaalis (at least in Hindi) all use women as an insult? I'm guilty of it as well and surprisingly, many of my fiesty female friends are too! I had such an honest venting session with my husband about our everyday interaction and how I spot the same culture in our family as well. Because it's such a nuanced part of our fabric, we don't even notice it when we practice the same :/ I'm so thankful for essays like yours. About time we think what can we do as a society and stop blaming the nature of crime on just selected "monsters".
I am usually cynical about sharing this kind of writing in extended family chats because people (especially uncle variety) are past even understanding where we are coming from.
But I was spurred on by your sharing with your family! Good thing I did, because it provoked a good amount of thinking, feeling and one small win - that group members stop forwarding jokes that belittle women (about bodies, intellect and 'morals').
Spot on! Fab, Sai! That's the kind of change we all need to aspire to.
I'm sorry for all the unnecessary hassles that girls and women have to go through because of men. It is self-aware parents like you and the well trained teachers - who can change children's lives for the better.
I want to highlight that it is also men like you that will bring the change we need to make our children’s lives better, Karthik. Thank you for the solidarity!
"For generations, our fathers and mothers have tried to ‘protect’ their girls. If they had put even half that energy into educating their boys, they might not have had to feel so scared for us." So apt. You speak for all of us Sanobar!
Thank you, Savvy. I've been sharing related news and posts in Family WhatsApp groups. The silence is deafening but about time we have these 'awkward' conversations.
Dupatta will not ever stop the 'inappropriate touches' by the males of family , friends and friends of family and friends.
The male clan, specially the middle aged and old, can't resist touching young and very young 'developing' girls.
First hand experience
I'm so so sorry! But I'm also thankful that women like us are speaking up against it. Thank you for the support!
i deeply resonated with this as someone who grew up in saudia and thought wearing an abaya was the only definition of modesty. im unlearning a lot of that fear and insecurity while enjoying my hunt for the perfect two-piece. dupattas are currently overwhelming for me since i have social anxiety, but i hope one day i can learn to carry that elegance as well.
How did I miss this?! Thank you for sharing. I used to wear an Abaya too. You're so right about the unlearning bit. I'm glad we have the privilege and the capacity to observe, unlearn and learn all over again :)
Gosh Sanobar - what a stellar piece! The dupatta, choice, consent, decisions, all rolled into a raging powerful call ready to smash anyone who gets in its way!
Thank you, Samira! I smile reading your comments which are an essay in their own right :)
Fabulous piece, Sanobar!
Thank you so much :)
Fabulous piece, Sanobar!
I'm sorry I missed this, Dipali! Thank you so much 💓
This is such an important essay, Sabah. There’s so much that resonates. It was just last evening that two of my younger friends and I were discussing about all the restrictions that are put on women. And the first piece I decided to read today is yours. Loved reading it.
Thank you, thank you so much! There's so much we need to learn and unlearn. I know I am!
This is personal, social and political all at the same time. Loved the graphic! And what a powerful ending - it's high time the spotlight focuses on boys and men!
The past few days have brought up so much from our pasts. How we were schooled and manipulated by those we looked up to, perhaps not intentionally. This hit hard, especially the bit about how we are made to feel like we are 12 again and again, but fortunately, with the gift of hindsight!
Thank you for writing this, Sanobar 🫶
You write for so many of us :)
May we keep writing and speaking for each other, girl! Thank you!
I can relate to this completely. But the teen rebel in me fought against it all. Controlling what someone else wears is a very fundamental way to control others. All under the guise of benevolent patriarchy.
How incredible is that, Minaz! I love when young girls fight for their rights. We really shouldn't have to but, kudos to those who stood for themselves.
We are all finding our ways in this complex world, I guess. Even though am not a young girl anymore 😄
lol may we remain young at heart forever!