31 Comments
User's avatar
Corinne  Rodrigues's avatar

What a testament to the healing power of telling our stories and idea that it's never too late to change and grow!

I admire how you touched on so many themes - a lack of confidence, finding connection, of being open and honest, of reaching out and yet taking care of yourself. And the special bond you shared with your Dad, Sanobar. I'm sure he's rooting for you from above! ♥

Expand full comment
Sanobar Sabah's avatar

Feedback/appreciation like this always offers a sense of relief. Most of us writing memoir essays are constantly second guessing ourselves. Thank you for the shout-out Corinne! Much love…

Expand full comment
Rakhi Kurup's avatar

Oh Sanobar, you are after my own heart. Hashimoto's, bad posture, IBS, getting a PG degree in 40's, the need for connections, it's all there. And the improvements as well.

Beautiful essay as usual. How I wish I could express myself like this.

Expand full comment
Sanobar Sabah's avatar

I came to visit this essay again and read your comment repeatedly - how it tugged at my gut! I'm relieved knowing you're on the other side of grieving and healing too. Sending you warmest wishes for the new year, Rakhi and thank you for your kindness and generosity in reading me ❤️

Expand full comment
Rakhi Kurup's avatar

❤️Thank you so much for your lovely wishes. Wishing you and your loved ones a Happy 2025 as well. We think we are alone, but someone somewhere is going through the same journeys as ours and it is so wonderful to meet them on Substack dear Sanobar. ❤️

Expand full comment
Sanobar Sabah's avatar

Yayyyy! :)))

Expand full comment
Rafia Khader's avatar

What a beautiful tribute to your father, who seems like he was such a wonderful man! I am so sorry his death was not peaceful and quiet in the way we all hope our loved ones should depart this life. I pray you are reunited with your father in jannah. I'm so proud of you for carrying your father's legacy, but also not letting the fear stop you anymore. Even though I am an introvert and wouldn't say I'm a people-person, every decision I've made has been because of what others made me do or what I thought others would say. There's bad in that, but we are social beings. We are meant to be in community and not live in isolation.

Expand full comment
Sanobar Sabah's avatar

That's the thing right? My son once told me: Mamma, I can tell how hard you and Daddy work to be different from the generation of parents before you but that doesn't mean we won't have our share of grievances against you.

And that hit me so hard. None of us are perfect. But we keep fixating only on the negatives of our loved ones. May be a little conscientious effort to continue the positive and learn from the negative would help us move forward slightly better?

Expand full comment
Roshni's avatar

I'm so glad you put this up here in all its beauty ! Such a sahi call .....love it sanobar

Expand full comment
Sanobar Sabah's avatar

Couldnt have done it without your gentle and patient handholding, Roshni. Thank you, hum ne voice recording bhi ki :)

Expand full comment
My wish's avatar

Your words are lyrical, having a healing warmth. Could relate so much, being an only lonely child raised by a single mother in a large joint family, I have never felt enough. This writing provided some comfort to an anxiety riddled mother of two toddlers 🤗 looking forward to more from you

Expand full comment
Sanobar Sabah's avatar

Sigh! Sending you hugs, Mahwish - from one child to another, from one mother to another.

Expand full comment
Holly Bailie (she/her)'s avatar

Thanks for sharing such a deeply personal story, Sanobar. It’s a beautiful tribute to your father, but open and honest too on the challenges you both faced. I love how you put this: Seizing a fistful of the sand of time, I want to place it close to my heart and whisper, “Please bear with me; I’ve only just begun.” So eloquently expressed :)

Expand full comment
Sanobar Sabah's avatar

Thank you for reading so compassionately, Holly ❤️

Expand full comment
Kulsoom Fatima's avatar

Inspiring, Sanobar Bhabhi! Every word in this essay has touched my soul! 👏🏻 👏🏻 ❤️

Expand full comment
Sanobar Sabah's avatar

Thank you so much, Kulsoom :)

Expand full comment
Sanskriti Bhatia's avatar

What a beautiful essay, Sanobar 💛💛💛

Expand full comment
Sanobar Sabah's avatar

Thank you, Sanskriti 😘

Expand full comment
Alaknanda Sengupta's avatar

Full of love and wisdom, this tribute. And about learning lessons and passing them on! I remembered my visit to Hazaribagh National Park as a child - the air washed clean after a shower, bouganivillea bushes full of the chirping of little birds and a lake with a family of ducks.😊🌿🌿🌿

Expand full comment
Sanobar Sabah's avatar

Love it! I've never been to Hazaribagh :/

Expand full comment
Naina Raturi's avatar

Beautifully expressed. I could visualise the scene of you sitting next to your father. Thanks for allowing yourself to be seen…it helped me see my own relationship with my father too :)

Expand full comment
Sanobar Sabah's avatar

I dont think I'll ever forget our ICU chats. Thank you, Naina. Fathers are special and will always remain so!

Expand full comment
Safa's avatar

My heart, my whole heart is yours, Sanobar. Thank you 🫂

Expand full comment
Sanobar Sabah's avatar

God! When self-doubt creeps in, let the comments shower you with tightest, reassuring 🫂 Thank you so much, Safa!

Expand full comment
Supriya Devarajan's avatar

Oh Sanobar! You teach me something every time you put out an essay into the world.

Expand full comment
Sanobar Sabah's avatar

Yay!!! The cheer that keeps me going :)) thank you, girlfriend!

Expand full comment
Shazia's avatar

Sanobar why do your words make me cry ! every time ... not that I am complaining . It mirrors my inner self in more ways than one. I an proud you made a conscious effort to navigate yourself inspite of it all. Hoping to get a start one day / some day .

Love this essay.

Expand full comment
Sanobar Sabah's avatar

Oh Shazia! And here we were thinking we were all alone. Thank you, Shazia for always being so supportive 💖

Expand full comment
namrata ukani's avatar

How I feel close and connected to you inspite of never meeting/knowing you 💛

Expand full comment
Sanobar Sabah's avatar

Hai na?! I love these random, crazy connections!

Expand full comment
Sanobar Sabah's avatar

And thank you for reading with love and patience, Rafia ❤️

Expand full comment