Writing and Nirvana

Whenever I feel things deeply, I tend to gravitate towards writing. When emotions become unbearable, when it feels too heavy to keep it in, I write. The highs and the lows. Exploring the relationship between my writing and my body, this is what I’ve noticed I experience:

Roughly speaking, every time a feeling tugs at me strongly, a sensation rises between my sacrum and my uterus.

It's a strong sexual-like energy. The intensity and the heat are palpable.

Feeling restless, my mouth feels dry as I gulp in nervousness.

Raging like wildfire, the urge then rises to my gut. There's a whirlwind-like dance that takes place here.

Imagine a washing machine on spin mode, at full speed. Or a dervish in her frenzy just before hitting trance.

A violent storm brews in my belly.

Then, like forceful reflux, the sensation projects through my voice, bleeding into an essay.

Climax.

It strongly resembles how one feels just before a vomit.

Or, giving birth to a baby.

Or, making mad passionate love.

Or, crying ugly tears.

They say we pass generational trauma through our wombs. That must be it. The epicenter of my emotions that gives birth to that pull, that urge. The womb that houses all those sensations.

‘What do we carry in our womb?’, I wonder.

Unrealized dreams, shattered hopes, love, despair, hurt, anger, bitterness, hopelessness, longing, the relentless hunger for life?

That’s a lot to carry. That too, from generation to generation.

Once I’m done writing though, the cleansing that follows is mind-blowing! The release that my body feels is unfuckingbelievable!

Levitating, I become one with my cosmic reality.

It’s probably the closest one gets to tasting liberation.

I then go on with the world like it’s business as usual.

Note: I first wrote ‘Writing & Nirvana’ in an out-of-this-world workshop by

Natasha Badhwar

and

Raju Tai

and posted this essay last year. Updating it to honour March 03rd, the International Writer’s Day. I did not want to miss honoring the importance of writing in my life. Have you noticed the connection between your writing and your body?